About
Apr 1st, 2007 by pedestrian
Whenever I start reading a new book, blog, article, I read a few lines, and then I try to find some sort of biography of the person I am reading. I’m not sure what it is, but a little bit of information gives me a better … feel … for the piece on which I am about to embark. In front of me, I have the entirety of their being summed up in a paragraph, page or volume. And it means a lot to me to know a bit about this person.
But now, as I try to write a piece about myself, it feels really, quite odd. I mean, what part of “me” do I define? I can begin by stating my name, age, occupation. But are those really who “I” am? … I am a mix of everything, and nothing significant at all. So where do you I begin?
I’ll begin with my age. I’d like to think I’m 15. But the sad truth is that I am actually 16. I love watching sunsets, and sunrises. The only problem is that I love to sleep in. Certainly a problem for watching a sunrise – it doesn’t wait around for anybody.
I love reading, or at least I used to love reading before school drove me six feet under. I love to paint … but I don’t know how. I love to play on my guitar … but don’t know how to do that either. I love to buy spices … I know how to do that very well.
I have been an engineering student in Tehran for the past few years. For those of you who failed ninth grade Geography, Tehran is the capital of Iran. A country of roughly 70 million inhabitants situated in the Middle East. If you don’t know where that is either, then, well, close this page now and go lie down, because you could inflict great harm to yourself and those around you.
I am praying to god that this will be my last and final semester in engineering, because to tell the truth, it’s been god awful. I can’t tell the difference between a MOSFET and a light bulb, or distinguish the Fourier series from a hash table (I can, but trying to soundly overtly melodramatic here). ENOUGH. The world would be a much safer place if people all did what they were made to do … Of course, if that were to happen, some of our most renown world leaders would have to resign and start burger joints or shoeshine stands.
But hey, since they don’t look like they’ll be doing that any time soon (have you in recent years heard more atrocious news than Tony Blair become head Middle East peace envoy??!!!!!!) I thought I’d start with me. I really don’t think I was cut out to be an engineer, and so won’t attempt at being one much longer. Of course, then the next question is: what were you cut out to do? … Take over the world? Join a burping contest? chew gum? … None sound like very promising careers. I really don’t know what I was cut out to do. And if I say the same in a years time … I am definitely screwed.
I know one thing though: I don’t think the world I live in is very livable. I live in one of the most promising, and yet perished regions of the world. I have lived through a war, and been born within five years of a revolution. To a lot of people, those are just words belonging to “The Count of Monte Cristo” or “The Three Musketeers”. But in other parts of the world, that is everyday life … even now.
And I can’t change any of that. I’d certainly like to think I can. When you are young, you have this feel in your gut that tells you anything is possible … Young people have an almost biological tendency to be hopeful. So I’d like to think I have the “power” (no, not the kind Snap! croons) … But the sad truth is, well, I don’t.
That’s another thing about me: I’m very realistic. Amir, my mom, my friends, my relatives, my teachers, … all like to say that I am pessimistic, but they’re all just bullshitting. I’m simply realistic. And I certainly know that the world, I can not change.
But I have something to say. It makes me want the whole world to hear it.
So if I were to sit down here, at my computer and depict myself, in a melodramatic, serious tone and use a few paragraphs to do it, it would sound something like the following. If I tried really hard to tell you of “me”, and my inner most thoughts, feelings, … it would sound something like this:
———————————————–
I am not convinced that the choices we make and the decisions we come to are solely based on desires and wishes that randomly perturb our mind. Rather, they are a direct consequence of the circumstances with which we are faced. Those very events go on to define the way we perceive ourselves as individuals. They not only shape who we are – but who we strive to become … The very fibers of our humanity.
I was born amidst Kalashnikov bullets and F-14 bombs, sheltered by my grandfather’s garden of citrus blossoms. The war for me as a child only meant families coming together in my grandfather’s beautiful villa. In contrast, it was really one huge family fleeing from bombs to gather in a shelter distant from the city bombings. Red alerts from radio stations predicting – and never actually protecting – more deaths were signs of getting my hands on more candy – candy saved by elders for exactly those occasions to calm our fears.
Through childhood naivety and parental shelter, I never understood what was really going on around me until years after it was over. Some children were like me … But most weren’t that lucky.
In some ways, the war that was fought over 16 years ago is still as alive and vivid as it has ever been. Children paralyzed and scarred are now grown adults being nurtured by their elderly parents. Boys who quit school after the death of a father are grappling to make a living without an education. Husbands and fathers damaged by the weapons of war fight – and lose – their battle with disease even today.
I am a 23 year old born after a revolution, and within miles of a bloody war in one of the most tumultuous regions of the world. A region plagued for centuries by the ignorance of its own people and the brutality of outsiders. And I am convinced the only way – the only tool – for not only blockading, but destroying the naivety, the ignorance and the greed that boils killing and tumult is to breed understanding. An understanding of why those atrocities have happened. To decipher the pain that they have brought. And to fathom why their occurrence must be prevented by any means necessary. Not just on a regional level, but a global one. More than ever, as we come to realize this “global village” that has come to define our world, we need to escort it with a sense of global understanding.
————————————
…… And that’s where I come in. Well, so does everybody.
“We” the ordinary masses, don’t have anything. We’re nameless, faceless, penniless (in comparison to the billions of dollars being emptied into certain pockets as we speak), and completely, and utterly powerless. We have nothing, and no thing at all. No means of doing anything significant except possibly getting a job with a good law firm or engineering company. And hoping that through being “good” and “righteous” in our own lives, “we can make a difference” … Sure, if that helps you go to sleep at night, ok.
But that’s just an illusion. And in the grand scheme of things, really won’t make a difference at all. And if you’re planning a life in politics because you think that will: it’s a dog eat dog world, so you better start learning how to bark.
But that is the sad awful truth … that we really possess nothing significant at all … But our voices. And despite all the downsides of technology, you gotta give it credit for one, extraordinary accomplishment: it has given ordinary people a face, a voice, a meaning. I can sit here behind my desk and read about the dreams and aspirations of just about anybody out there willing to throw me a piece of their mind. And perhaps this is just the naive, adolescent in me, but I think that has got to mean something.
It has to. Not in that we are going to start another Bolshevik revolution; or rally against all the we see wrong with the world. But in that by knowing just a bit more about the people that surround you, there’s more of a chance that you will not inflict them harm when you go out into the world tomorrow.
You might read about what I had for dinner last night, or where Dave took his date, or where Joseph wrote his final exam. Sure, all may be extremely insignificant and mundane details. But it gives each of these people personality, face, … life.
And that, is most certainly powerful: to believe in the life that surrounds you. To believe in those very “faceless”, “nameless” individuals out there. To truly believe that despite all our difference in race, color, culture, and beliefs, underneath, we are all just human. Aspiring to do things, hoping to achieve things, dreaming of better things ahead. And if we believe in that, if we truly “feel” it, we will cringe the next time anybody tries to convince us otherwise.
… So if you are still with me, and reading this hasn’t been like taking horse tranquilizers, … that pretty much sums it up.
Oh, and another really good thing about having access to a lot of people: if any of you out there ever want to do my homework, you are, by all means, most certainly welcome.
I found the website, finally!
Mashallah, cousinjoon. You are a beautiful writer and I enjoy reading your posts! Please continue with them!!!
I think the question that remains to be asked is that Would it all worth it? Would the struggle to recognize that you are a human being worth it? and then What do we do when we know how much it worths? How can we believe in something like “life” that we do not know about. That is the problem with belief. One believes in something when they are certain it exists but it does not know the “reality” and the function of it. If we knew about that thing we would say “I know…” and not “I believe…” . Another question, how do we know our “feel”ings are not lying to us? So are’nt we in our own ways try to run away with the truth that we do not “know” and the more we know we know we do not know? And then we call this struggle “life”?
wow u live in Tehran?
That’s awesome.
I’m glad I came across your blog.
lol intresting, but I think you can update (modify or add) this segment too. After all, there is no real ‘me’. I am either constantly changing within an unconscious self (thus my suggestion to add), or I am just the change itself (thus my suggestion to modify)
, or maybe I am both. (rather unlikely, but who’s to object when I like to think to myself that I am both. ‘NO body’ that’s who!)
Hi there. I’m so glad I came across your blog. I found it through your comments on the blog “View from Iran” http://viewfromiran.blogspot.com/
I am really interested to learn more about the life of women in Iran and Iranian culture in general. You write so well and I love your detailed “About Me” section!
One thing I am confused about – are you 16 or 23 years old?!
Hi Sophie!
Nice meeting you
I’m 16 going on 25! … In just a few more days!
For info about the life of women in Iran, visit here as often as you like
But I’d be glad to answer any questions! 
I came to your blog! Thanks for leaving your link. I will be visiting often … I wanted to leave a comment, but couldn’t!
Thanks for the reply! You seem so incredibly mature for your age….lol – I can identify as I’ve always felt more mature than most of my peer group.
Can’t wait to read more of your writing and thanks for offering to answer any questions.
Thanks for visiting my blog too. I don’t blog as much as I used to these days due to time constraints. To comment on the site you have to register (annoying I know!). Since the blog is managed by my University they make people register to comment so that there is less spam on the site ect. Because it is run by the University, I also have to be pretty careful with what I write because I am representing my University to the outside world….and inevitably, representing myself since I am not hiding my identity. Occasionally I do manage to fit in some more ‘deeper’ ramblings though
wow — I followed the signs here from the comment you left on Nouriel Roubini — no, I didn’t know he was Iranian and you were not stating the obvious. I read your little biography here. I’m amazed — but I will tell you the reason a few line further down. Let me just say that it is perfectly alright not to know what one is to do with one’s life at 23 — to quote Kurt Vonnegut “most people I like don’t know what they want to do at 50″. Now the reason I was amazed a few lines back: reading this page two things come to mind: 1) how did she learn English this well? 2) It is so obvious you have a talent, and more importantly, an urge to write. It is in front of you. write for now — wait and see what happens — you’ll figure it out by 50.
Thank you for the comment!
I guess I have this nagging fear that I still won’t know by then! And it’ll be too late.
I am always scared that it’ll be too late!
But then again, I am the pessimist so I guess that is expected …
And I learned English because I have spent half my life in Canada. Moved back and forth between Tehran and Toronto … They were extremely difficult transitions at the time, but for some reason, now, I’m glad.
I haven’t only been a “visitor” in Iran. And I find that notion comforting for some reason!
They say one of the most difficult words to translate in the world is a German word “Torschlussphobie”, it is difficult to translate because it’s about a feeling. It literally means: fear of closing doors, of vanishing opportunities, of lost chances. If you ever drive at 8 am in tehran, look at the faces of your fellow drivers and you will see it–it is the driving force in our culture. We must fight it because it is a fear, a phobia, that is likely to cause us to miss what life is all about. It tells us that life is about getting from point a to b, to go faster and farther than everyone else — because that is what the majority is doing. This is a classic case of the majority being wrong or in some cases — a case for mass psychosis. Life is not a journey between two points, but rather surfing on concentric waves of knowledge and feeling, ever expanding, and opening on illimitable and breath taking vistas. Our limits are our own limitations in seeing, and understanding how the world moves.
Well, the object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. Speaking from experience, I can also tell you that a classic education in engineering fails to equip one with the necessary tools to avoid this popular (or rather populist) madness. So, may I suggest some philosophy, and evidently some aesthetics, as antidote to try to repair some of the damage done by a strict scientific education.
I hope you forgive my directness, and my black (pessimistic) humor (for pessimism is best consumed with a tinge of humor lest it becomes cold cynicism). take care.
for pessimism is best consumed with a tinge of humor lest it becomes cold cynicism.
I know … I so much agree … about everything you said.
That is why I have converted to a humanities major for my master’s degree. It is an interesting life in engineering … You so often seem or feel disconnected from the rest of the world; living in a bubble of sorts. And yet, you so dotingly help the “madness” go forth with strength.
Salaam vaHaleh Shomah,
I’ve stumbled upon your blog while in search of the lyrics for Morghe Sahar. What I have found instead here is quite fascinating. I can’t help but be surprised at how outstanding your written English is – rock on! Seriously, as somone from the US, I can vouch for the fact that most in the states can’t write as well as you do. Did you study abraod in an English speaking country before? Really, it’s impressive. And it’s a Blessing, because this is your voice now and perspectives are reaching me, an English speaker (Farsi eh man kheyli poor ast, choon man be Amrikah beh donya amadam). I look forward to hearing more.
Salaam Isra
And greetings
Thank you for visiting!
I grew up between Tehran and Toronto … My only regret is that I do not write comfortably in Persian, but I can pretty much do everything else in both languages.
Farsi man on the other hand, khoobeh … Maybe we can practice online sometime
Great job, keep writing, I am reading!
Thanks so much Roozbeh.
Hi again, I already sent you a message but just to leave a comment here also about the high value of your facinating blogs: keep them coming.
Thank you Elcid. Both for the message and your comment
RESPECT, baradar!
Thank you Sammy! But I’m a khahar!
Khahereh azizam Pedestrian Salam,
I came across your blog as I was reading on what is happening in Tehran right now. Just like you, I always like to know who the author is, and where she comes from, what kind of a life she has had and how that affects her thoughts. From one faceless cyber pedestrian to another I just wanted to say thank you for keeping us out of Iran updated on the news. As an optimistic realist (don’t know if the category exists) I really pray that the wrinkles that have affected our society for so long get straightened out by the will of our people. Peace
Salaam Fatemeh!
Thanks for your message! LOL … I think the category does exist … because I’m a pessimistic realist and darn proud of it
Hi–
I found a reference to you in the New York Times today– and then found your site
Yup, you’re a good writer, AND you help me know about what is going on in Iran because you write in English
Thank you 
Hello TeaGuy …
There’s so many bitter sweet stories coming out of Iran … The best we can do is show you a glimpse of it all. I will try my best!
I have to agree with @Lonely On North 85–I haven’t even finished reading your bio and already I’m deeply impressed by your richly-expressive nature. Don’t give up on this blog, kid! (Forgive me for calling someone so mature a “kid”. I’m 38, so I’m going to try to get away with it.) As a “Grab the thesaurus, quick!” type of writer, I am consistently fascinated by the abilities of naturally-talented artists such as yourself. I hope this blog, and any others you’re contributing to, lead you to a whole new world of words–and self-discovery.
It sounds like you’re already on that path. From one creative heart to another, I wish you an amazing–and safe–journey.
(correction: that was @lonely on north *35*…apologies)
Angela, thank you for your kind words!
Being the “kid” has the advantage that you’re constantly “waiting” … waiting for new discoveries, disappointments, horror, wisdom, …. Nothing is ever final, because you are always waiting for tomorrow!
It is bitter sweet, isn’t it?
I rather believe after reading your Bio(s) and blog entries that in truth, you are a pragmatic idealist. May you continue to defy the adage that “Youth is wasted on the young.” for years to come, whatever your real age may be!
Carry on.
Peace
Thank you Jennifer … “pragmatist idealist” … that sound nice! I could get used to it!
I wrote this bio two years ago, when I was 23. So I’m (gulp) 25 now!
do not start drinking like Canadian or became Gay like them or racist,
and rest of your page is fine ,
I should stay in Iran but now in stupid Canada here I am and I lost
every things,
I’ve bookmarked you. Since the election, I’ve been scouring the newsfeeds, op-ed pieces and blog bla – trying to get a sense of what’s going on in the hearts and minds of Iranians located at ground zero. Until I read your blog, I had wandered the vast wasteland between photos of the most noble, silent protest I’ve ever witnessed and repetitive blog static. You have filled the gap, admirably so.
Like you, I am age-challenged (in this case, 58 going on 7) which means I’m a fairly simple soul. I’m easily distracted from the every day horrors humanity wreaks upon itself by pursuing things like nature, compassion and cosmic law. Just simple stuff. So, my being 7 (and an alumni of Woodstock) has me dismayed by the incompetence of the Iranian government; their brutality and sheer anachronistic stupidity, yet completely taken with the Iranian people.
I will never forget that first massive and silent protest. I was lightning struck and elated to the regions of Ursa Major. For one day, this nobility-starved world was fed a banquet of it. If that nobility is the fire fueling the onward momentum toward self determination, you and your countrymen cannot fail.
I grow flowers and sow seed – which makes you and I sort of in the same business. Stay safe. Best wishes.
Gardener, thank you so much for your kind message!
nobility is what we strive for!
Time will tell what we actually get!
I had to write again…
I’ve just finished reading your latest and my face is sunburnt from your brilliance. Take your vitamins. Eat well. Get plenty of exercise and rest. We want you writing for a very long time…
Gardener, I still have a long way to go to deserve your praise!
I hope I get there one day!
Hi from an avid reader,
A very impressive blog I must add.
I’ve also had a rather similar upbringing to you, only commuting to Down Under instead of Canada. I feel a strange connection to your blog… I’ll have to plan and start from your earlier posts and work my way to the present. I’m sure among the many beautiful posts, I will find a couple of gems along the way…
Keep up the good work, girl! Yours is a breath of fresh air among the many good blogs I follow.
Take care of yourself.
Thanks Ehsan!
Hi,
I can’t figure out how you could be 16 and have gone to engineering school for a few years, and, you write really, really well! Where did you learn English?
Thanks.
Jaleh
ps. I found you through Huffingtonpost.
Hi Jaleh,
I know this is a really long “about” page, but in the middle, I mention my “real” age: I was 23 two years ago when I wrote this: that’s why I got to go to engineering school and everything.
Thanks for your kind note!
-p
Sorry, Pedestrian,
So, why is your English so good? Are you in Tehran right now?
Thanks.
Jaleh
No problem
Jaleh, I started this blog two years ago in Tehran. I recently relocated, so I’m not in Tehran at the moment.
Pedestrian,
Love your writing.
I bookmarked you!
Jaleh, thanks so much!
Ditto some of the other commenters – you’re offering the best day by day analysis I’ve seen yet in English – I don’t remember where I found your link. Delicious English prose too.
Hey Khod Joosh! Thanks! the day to day business is going to come to a grinding halt once school starts, but I will try my best to keep everyone updated!
Pedestrian,
I was struck by your critique of the FB/Twitter mania coming from outside Iran. I’ve been going thru your back posts trying to better understand your thoughts on this. Have you considered writing a longer single post on the evidence for / against foreign manipulation via MSM and social media? People’s positions on this subject seem too simplistic: Yes, “Green Wave is a US/Israeli-manipulated Velvet Revolution” or NO, “Green Wave is not ….” etc. Even from the start I had the suspicion that some of the photos coming out of Tehran seemed almost too picturesque, too iconic, too good to be true. It would really only take a handful of GenX Mossad/CIA to “pitch” the election protests and instantly make Iranian opposition HYPERCOOL. None of which is to say that the movement itself in Iran is an artifact of outside involvement. … Am I making any sense here?
You certainly do!
I don’t think the entire movement was a creation of Twitter, via the Mossad as some leftists claim.
At the same time, to rule out media fabrication completely is also false!
I shall comment more when I return
Can I just ask u… Have u grown up in Iran and nowhere else? Because when one reads your posts, with the standard of English that u use, I find it extremely hard to believe that u haven’t lived in an English-speaking country, or gone to English-language-school or something similar.. I say this because my experience, regarding the English of Iranians in Iran has not been great… If they haven’t lived in the US, UK, or any other English-speaking country, their English tends to be nowhere NEAR the standard of the language used by you in this blog…
Other than that question, u do have a great blog and I enjoy it very much
Salaam Kourush,
Sure you can. I spent some of my childhood outside of Iran
very nice blog, keep it up!
This blog is great!!
But thank you for doing so, I find it really informative but at the same time with a great personal edge that makes it unique!
It must take you all day to keep it updated!!
Your words are great, even when you are angry or sad. I have never been to Iran, but this blog does make me want to go there (maybe not exactly at this moment, but in the future)! Are you in Iran now?? If not, it must be awful (probably beyond what I can imagine) to have to see this from outside the country. I know how it is to be away from your home country when something terrible is happening, and it’s nothing but the feeling of shock and helplessness.
Although I have my opinions about this blogging/twitter/facebook “revolution” that many western news claim is happening in Iran, your blog is an important contribution to the current events. Not because it is a blog in itself, but because you do inform and show that you do care by publicly showing your voice and opinion
Keep up the good work, and I truly hope you will see all your friends in Iran very soon and that things only will change for the better.
C
Ceebee,
Thanks so much for your kind words and taking the time to write me.
Yes, it is horrible! But that is life! Iran was never a country at ease, not in my lifetime at least! And so, while the horror may seem beyond imagination to some, we have developed ways of coping with all sorts of internal and external terror! We are survivors after all
Wishing you and all of us peace and some more tolerance!
-p
Hi Pedestrian,
Just wanted to say how much I enjoy your website – I work in Georgetown’s School of Foreign Service and in the Middle East Department at the Woodrow Wilson Center and read this more or less daily for phenomenal updates. Thank you very much for it, it is excellent.
I’m working on my own little project which I’d love your feedback on – you can check it out at: mideastalliance.org . The idea is to get all the best Middle East blogs in one place, for a western audience so they can better understand how this place works. I just linked a few of your stories from under the “iran” page so you can see how it looks.
Anyways, let me know if this seems like something you’d like to be a part of, and keep up the awesome work! Hope all’s well.
Hey Matt,
Thank you for your visits!
The website looks awesome! I’ll take a closer look when I get home and email you!
I’ve just published an Iran-friendly, a historical novel inspired by actual events.
The Man Who Fooled SAVAK, by Douglas Roberts
Published by Outerbanks Publishing Inc.
Feel the fear. Then feel the Love.
I invite you to check it out.
Cheers, Doug
Now available from Amazon.com, Amazon.com/UK and Amazon.com/DE in Kindle format Also for the Nook now. For other ebook formats, use Smashwords.com
Visit my author website:
http://sites.google.com/site/dougswritingsandphotos/
Hey Pedestrian,
I’ve never been much of a blog reader until recently. I really enjoyed your posts, both the content, point of view and style of writing. Very “human” (in the farsi sense if you will) …. good luck and looking forward to more posts.
Cheers,
hi! I found your blog when I was lookup up hossein fahmide.
about me: I’m 17 years old, I live in chicago. I was born here, but I am fluent in English and Farsi. In fact, vaghti ke iran miram kesi nemidoone az amrika omadam! I have found your blog very interesting and hopefully I can keep reading.
I am planning a trip this summer for going on my last trip to Iran (can’t go once I’m 18 due to sarbazi issues… I have dual citizenship). The last time I went was 2008, but I hear a lot has changed since then. I am going to make a video log / blog about my adventures and spend the whole summer exploring everything about Iran. I’m sure you know, but Iranians are very complicated people, so I hope I can accurately portray my people.
But for now, just going to wrap up 12th grade, pack my stuff and buy myself a ticket to mehrabad! might even see you there
I arrived on your blog because I was google-searching for an image for vertigo. After I read your blog entry with that picture and title, I came to your home page, telling me you were now in Iran. So I know you won’t be able to respond to me, even if you wanted to. Like you, a bit of reading prompted a desire to know more about the person writing the blog. Your bio surprised me–I find it almost incredible that you are only 16. Also that you are an engineering student (my husband’s family has engineering in its bloodline, and those engineers bear little resemblance to the person I think I’m ‘seeing’ on these pages.)
Perhaps it is the subtle effect of being reared in a region with strong ties to ancient tomes…but the key to your message on this page lies right in its center–as it does in many ancient religious writings:
“But I have something to say. It makes me want the whole world to hear it.”
THIS is who you are, in my humble opinion. I write professionally as one of several part-time pursuits (I’m in my fifties), but I will readily admit, even at first glance, that you have far more innate talent. I hope that, unstable as the writing profession can be, you pursue this seriously.
I have bookmarked your blog, as I am deeply interested in religious/historical events, and the Middle East in particular. I wish you well, and look forward to checking back here to see when you are blogging again.
PS. Hah!–one should never leave a comment before reading the entire post…but I did.
(Felt so compelled after reading your “I have something to say” sentence midway through.) I see now that your are in your twenties…but that doesn’t change my opinion that you have great talent for one so young.
Dear Pat,
Thank you so much for your kind words. This blog has been rather stagnant for the past few months. A number of personal reasons, along with the rather bleak political outlook has just left me without much to say.
“I have something to say …” nowadays has turned into “I wish I had something to say …” silence is my only friend these days …
Lovely. I’m glad I found your blog!